Getting Comfortable Dating with Schizophrenia – Some of My Challenges and Wins

Dating with schizophrenia can pose unique challenges that are not typically encountered in other relationships. For some people living with schizophrenia, exploring romantic relationships may trigger fears of stigma or judgment from potential partners. Some also worry about symptoms or how treatment side effects may affect them physically and mentally.

Diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2016, Lesley McCuaig shares many of the same worries… but she won’t let them scare her away from the dating scene.

We all know that dating has become increasingly difficult in this online era – especially with the impersonal nature of dating platforms and the hundreds, if not thousands, of profiles to scroll through.

But dating should be fun, not a burden. In theory, we should be meeting potential best friends, soulmates, or partners. It should be a welcoming experience in which we feel comfortable.

However, while most people would disagree that dating is comfortable or easy, exploring romantic relationships with a schizophrenia diagnosis can be even more challenging. This is due to a variety of reasons, including concerns about when to tell someone about your mental illness or whether the treatment may affect your sex drive.

3 worries I've had about dating with schizophrenia

1. How will a date react when I disclose my diagnosis? When should I bring it up?

Why would I worry about disclosing my mental illness? Well, for one, it's because of the stigma associated with schizophrenia.  

Will they think I'm crazy?  

Do they have concerns about their safety?  

Do they know what schizophrenia really is?  

All these questions race through my brain when I'm thinking about disclosing my diagnosis.

When I’m in the “budding relationship” stage, my biggest fear is that revealing my diagnosis will result in them packing their bags. There is still so much stigma surrounding schizophrenia that we who live with it are left lurking in the shadows. We spend so much time wondering what could have been instead of throwing ourselves into the world to see what could be.

In my opinion, potential partners should know about your schizophrenia diagnosis before you reach intimacy - but it's not something you should disclose on the first date. From my experience, getting to know one another as friends and partners and seeing if you're compatible is more important than sharing your illness in those early dates.

Would you disclose you lived with celiac disease, Parkinson's disease, or diabetes on the first date? Not likely. So, for those of us dating or in new relationships with schizophrenia, take the pressure off yourself for a few dates! Instead, focus on getting to know each other.

I think I'll always struggle with knowing the "right time" to disclose my mental illness when dating.

That said, the more I date and become comfortable with dating, the less relevant this question feels.  

2. What if my treatment affects my sex drive?

When dating with schizophrenia, worries that treatment may affect your sex drive and intimacy are common. However, many people may not voice these worries to their care team, partner, or friends. They may feel guilty or not "good enough" for not wanting to be intimate or not enjoying the intimacy process.

Some people may even stop adhering to their treatment and medication plan because of this issue.

However, it's a treatable problem. Concerns about intimacy can be addressed during an appointment with your psychiatrist, and it could become an important piece of your treatment plan moving forward.

3. What if a date finds out about my diagnosis before I'm ready to tell?

This third point is more specific to myself, but another factor that complicates my dating life is my anonymity. I have a public presence in Canada, and sometimes, keeping my anonymity while dating is hard.

I have been featured in regional and national media coverage, trying to reduce the stigma associated with schizophrenia. My story has also been published in a book. That said, the vast majority of Canadians actually don't commonly read articles on schizophrenia and reducing the stigma associated with it, so I'm usually safe!

But this public and online presence can be bittersweet when it comes to dating. I'm glad I'm doing what I can to reduce the stigma around schizophrenia. On the other hand, I prefer to start fresh when I meet someone new, so I hope they haven't Googled me and formed preconceived ideas.  

The takeaway

Dating with schizophrenia can be tricky to navigate. Worrying about disclosing my mental illness, concerns about how the medication is affecting my sex drive, and having a public profile that affects my anonymity... these are all factors that could deter me from dating but don't. 

I believe that although self-disclosure is nerve-wracking, it doesn't make me feel unsafe disclosing my schizophrenia.  

I believe my future partner is out there waiting. Happy and healthy relationships with schizophrenia are possible with an understanding partner and a well-controlled condition.

The person for me won't be deterred by my illness or the stigma associated with it, but they will like me for who I am.

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