4 Constructive Ways to Manage Anger and Guilt as a Caregiver

It's normal for caregivers to get angry sometimes. That anger is often accompanied by guilt because you don't feel entitled to feeling that way, especially because the loved ones you're caring for need you.

But anger isn't always a bad thing. In fact, it can be a warning sign indicating an underlying issue or situation that needs to be re-evaluated.

Susanne White believes that anger and guilt can be turned into tools that can help you process and understand the root cause of your feelings so that you can move forward.

Here are four tips that have helped turn her anger into something more constructive.

As caregivers, the emotional wave that washes over us daily is powerful and ranges from fear to anger and grief. Some emotions are easier to navigate than others. Some feel appropriate while others make us feel guilty. They make us sit in judgment of ourselves. 

Anger for instance, even though completely understandable, refuses to feel like we are entitled to it. It’s hard to just let it rip and be processed like sadness or fear or guilt. There’s a stigma attached to feeling anger that makes it an undesirable emotion, even when it’s appropriate anger that is acknowledged and expressed healthily. 

All of us get angry from time to time and every caregiver out there deserves the right to feel it and heal it. When we don’t acknowledge and release anger, or worse, when we feel guilty about feeling it, it can fester into a poison that endangers us.  Anger has to be managed.

4 ways I’ve learned how to deal with anger and combat guilt:

1. Acknowledge your feelings

Don’t try to push your anger down or ignore it. Admit it and own it. Anger is normal. It can be a useful tool to respond to inappropriate social situations or uncomfortable experiences. It can be appropriate and authentic. It can even be helpful.

We can discover so much about ourselves and the way we respond in our world if we are honest and curious about it once we “simmer down” as my Dad would say. Expressed properly anger can help us move forward with our lives so that we're better equipped to care for our loved ones. 

2. Unpack and understand the reason behind your anger

“What the heck is going on?” This is a question I often ask myself when I can feel my emotional temperature rising or when I start fuming about something.

• Sometimes my anger is less about the actual situation I’m in and more about what it triggered inside me. 
• Sometimes it’s a build-up of resentments or the inability to address the way someone is treating me.  
• Sometimes a situation warrants a strong reaction from me because boundaries have been crossed or someone wishes to harm me.

Poking around in my anger to get a straight answer about my reaction once I’m calm enough to think clearly, is so helpful, especially for the future.

When I don’t take care of myself I get mad at you. 

3. Heed the warning signs

Most of us feel like we get furious or angry quickly, or out of the blue, but actually there may be warning signs that we’re not always aware of. Here’s where taking your emotional temperature and being aware of your body can be extremely helpful.

Is your heart beating fast? Is your face hot? Is your stomach churning? Have you been going over and over a situation in your mind?

When we become self-aware and begin to note how we are feeling and why we are feeling that way, it’s easier to avoid an outburst. We can take care of ourselves before we reach a boiling point.

4. Develop strategies to manage anger and combat guilt

Having a plan of action ahead of time is the best way to manage anger. Knowing we can excuse ourselves from a situation and make an exit can be helpful. When the environment begins to feel tense or uncomfortable, taking a break is a great option.

Having relaxation tools at hand such as deep breathing or daily stress-reducing habits such as meditation or journaling helps diffuse tension. 

These practices can help get us to a calm place that allows us to discuss the issues we are struggling with. Finally, sharing our feelings with a trusted friend can be extraordinarily helpful. This allows us to feel seen and heard which is difficult to do when we are angry and seeing red.

The takeaway

Although anger is a universal emotion, caregivers suffer from its effects with a compounded discomfort. We feel guilty as well as angry, because we don’t allow ourselves to feel anger.

Grace comes when we accept that anger is not a sin (it's a warning sign), nor are we bad people for feeling it.

We must be proactive and search for the best way to express our anger and be forgiving in the process. We must not only be forgiving to those who trigger us (especially if it is the loved one we are caring for), we must forgive ourselves.

Although feeling angry can be draining and throw us off balance we are entitled to it, anger presents a chance for discussion and understanding. When we accept our anger and look to learn from it, we open ourselves up to possibility and positive change. Let’s take advantage of it and feel empowered by the lessons we learn about ourselves.

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© 2023 Life Effects by Teva Pharmaceuticals

The individual(s) who have written and created the content in and whose images appear in this article have been paid by Teva Pharmaceuticals for their contributions. This content represents the opinions of the contributor and does not necessarily reflect those of Teva Pharmaceuticals. Similarly, Teva Pharmaceuticals does not review, control, influence or endorse any content related to the contributor's websites or social media networks. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered medical advice or recommendations. Consult a qualified medical professional for diagnosis and before beginning or changing any treatment regimen. 

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Date of preparation: September 2023
D: COB-GB-NP-00283 (V1.0) / T: COB-GB-NP-00268 (V1.0) / M: COB-GB-NP-00253 (V1.0)