How to Talk to Your Partner about Migraine

Productive discussions about migraine with your partner may seem tricky to get right. Whether with a new partner or a spouse, it's essential to keep the conversation (and education) going.

Today, Sarah Rathsack shares 5 tips for talking about migraine with your partner, taking into account the feelings of both parties without falling into blame, shame, or guilt.

It can be challenging to navigate the world when living with chronic migraine. The condition affects you -- but it affects your loved ones, too.

Managing migraine is a battle best fought together, but this isn't easy without open, honest, and ongoing conversations.

I have been battling this condition since I was a child. My husband and I had conversations about it before we got married, and 11 years later, we still talk about migraine openly.

Over the past 11 years, my migraine has changed from episodic to chronic. I experience more than 15 migraine days a month.

Naturally, as my disease has changed, so did my relationships – with my condition, my friends, and my husband.

My husband is my best friend, soulmate, and migraine fighter. We work as a team, but learning how to cope with migraine is always a work in progress.

5 Ways to keep partner-to-partner communication going about migraine

1. Remain positive but honest when talking about migraine

Migraine can bring on mood swings. Who wouldn't be moody when in pain? I try to be extra conscious when speaking to my husband so that I'm not offended by his feelings, say things from pain, or harp on the negatives.

It's almost impossible to be positive when you feel vulnerable. Being vulnerable may bring tears, frustration, and other negative feelings. But when talking about migraine with your partner, it's okay -- and advisable! -- to feel and express those things.

Speaking with honesty and mindfulness allows my husband to see where I'm coming from and consider my feelings that he never knew I was having.

Then, we discuss how we can make things better. What is the biggest stressor, and how can we, as a team, work to decrease it? The stressor may be tricky to solve, but small steps can help.

2. Avoid blaming each other – migraine affects both of you

I recognise the toll migraine takes on my partner and allow him to be vulnerable. Migraine doesn't just affect my life — it has altered his life, too.

I encourage my husband to tell me how he feels about my condition and how it's affecting him. We talk about how we can make things better for him without blaming me.

Avoid placing the blame on anyone. I have learned to not overcompensate or sacrifice my needs to appease my guilt for having chronic migraine. I say no when I need to, and we both understand that my energy is best used to fight migraine.

3. Educate your partner as you educate yourself

Many resources provide information about migraine and explain how a person with migraine lives.

I educate my husband while I educate myself. I send him relevant articles, blog posts, and social media posts to explain my feelings or our discussion.

Understanding that my husband is not alone in his fight as a loved one, while I'm not alone in my fight against migraine, is powerful. Relating to the stories of others and learning more about the disease will take the guesswork out of an often puzzling situation.

My husband and I make changes together based on what we learn. If he's available, he comes to doctor's appointments with me. If he isn't, I recount my discussions and my next course of action.

Going through my treatment plan together helps my husband understand my migraine symptoms and how he can support me. We both ask questions, and we both listen for guidance.

4. Appreciate the small things

Our lifestyle is somewhat dictated by migraine, yet we appreciate the small things in life. We embrace lifestyle changes that are best for us.

When we can't go out for dinner and a movie, we order in and rent one. I am grateful for any time I spend with my partner.

5. Save important conversations for after a migraine

It's best not to get into an important or detailed conversation during a migraine attack or even during the prodrome and postdrome stages.

Mood and post-migraine brain fog will be heightened, so it's best to find a time that works emotionally and physically for both people. Skipping assumptions and really listening to each other's frustration and needs will help with built-up resentment and confusion.

The takeaway

When talking about migraine with your partner, I'd say that gentle honesty is the best policy. Remember that no one chooses to have migraine.

As migraine changes, so should your life, expectations, and conversations. Work together in sickness and health and through thick and thin.

Chronic migraine and marriage are journeys of sorts. The best and hardest journeys are fought and enjoyed together.

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The individual(s) who have written and created the content in and whose images appear in this article have been paid by Teva Pharmaceuticals for their contributions. This content represents the opinions of the contributor and does not necessarily reflect those of Teva Pharmaceuticals. Similarly, Teva Pharmaceuticals does not review, control, influence or endorse any content related to the contributor's websites or social media networks. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered medical advice or recommendations. Consult a qualified medical professional for diagnosis and before beginning or changing any treatment regimen. 

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Date of preparation: August 2023
D: COB-GB-NP-00181 (V1.0) / T: COB-GB-NP-00221 (V1.0) / M: COB-GB-NP-00201 (V1.0)